Be reasonable, be slow to anger, be slow to judge hearts and minds--only God can to that. Cut em some slack from both sides. Just die to self and your fleshly nature, believer.
The Bible says, “For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” Romans 8:13-14
Are you dealing with a mother-in-law? Dealing with a daughter-in-law?
Ever been asked some questions on this stuff? Makes me want to study the topic -- believing father in laws need to die to their old nature too.
Who can you see that is a DIL or MIL in the Bible? How did they get along? I've been lookin' at the words of other in-laws on this stuff, cuz of course "dudes like me need to kind of get it a bit." Like...
"I really want to have a good relationship with you. I never want to judge, manipulate, compete with, or control. As badly as I want to be close to you and the family, I need to give you and us time. I long for you to feel like my daughter -- blessed by me. It means the world to be when you initiate contact with me. Pray for me -- sure, let’s pray for each other. I do need your prayers, and I appreciate them." The Bible says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16)
Choose to be in Jesus and Spirit-filled..walking in the Spirit instead of in the flesh daily -- no need for selfishness right. Choose to be a kind DIL, MIL, FIL and SIL person.. to act respectfully, hospitably, honestly, patiently -- to be unselfish and reasonable on both sides..instead of passive aggressive or openly that way (aggressive or bitter). Be double respectful and loyal to your parents. Duh. That's a given..and be slow to judge when your mother-in-law sounds not reasonable, and visa versa.. cuz either might just be honest and wanting to help out as most do for each other (helping out some might be from her own upbringing and family culture). You know how in the world this DIL vs MIL relationship can become worse than horrible real quickly and then get even worse than that if both sides aren’t careful. Selfishness is the way of the world. In Christ though..it can be harmonious and blessed. Dealing with a mother-in-law or DIL can be good for growth...so ask: How do I respond to her or to a problem of a mother-in-law who is acting overbearing, controlling, and meddling?" You know many out there act like that.
I have had some DILs before, but now have a really great DIL I feel. She is honest and she has an even greater MIL (my wife). I pray they are blessed together. The dynamic has always been interesting to watch with each one, and with others I've met. But an overly gatekeeper-type of isolated DIL dolling out too many commands on the homefront, or a meddling mother-in-law who is demanding, controlling, pushy and who constantly intrudes into the lives of her son/daughter and daughter-in-law/son-in-law ..is what the Bible calls a "busybody" (1 Timothy 5:13). I say meditate upon this passage. The meaning of the Greek word that is translated "busybody" in the 1 Timothy passage means "a self-appointed overseer in other men's matters." Overly-overseeing is what some mothers-in-law are engaged in, or at least accused of doing. This kind of behavior is SO annoying, it's very frustrating for many, and it's contrary to God's plan for the family. Your family life with relatives.
Obviously, the dynamics in such a situation can be worse than frustrating. Rude even. A mother-in-law may do these things because no one else in the family has given her boundaries..respectfully. Therefore, she becomes an overbearing "bully-type." A MIL, really? Sure. Perhaps she does not even realize how intrusive and controlling she has become. To her it may just be actively "loving." If that is the case, perhaps a heart-to-heart talk will clear the air. If she does understand what she is doing and does it on purpose even after she has been asked to stop it, then there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to alter that. She needs to repent and or.. get saved.
Regardless of which side of the family the interference comes from, it is can be like an assault upon the sanctity of the marriage and it violates the "leave and cleave" of God's order for marriage as found in the Bible (Genesis 2:23-24). A man and woman leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. That is normal. A husband who allows his mother or his mother-in-law to interfere with his marriage gobs is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33. (My mom Betty has never done that. I feel grateful, thanks mom! My helpful parents have been super for my wife Liney and I. Thank you parents!) Boundaries need to be set with God's wisdom and then held regardless of the resistance encountered. The reality is that people often treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If we permit them to trample on the sanctity of our family, then that is what they will do. No one, not even our extended family, has the right to invade the privacy of our home and we don't with their home. It is the responsibility of the husband to guard that privacy properly. He should take the spiritual lead in gently—but kindly.. firmly—explaining to his mother-in-law what she is doing that is over the line and assuring her that such behavior cannot be tolerated. A wise DIL need not be too isolated from help as well. The husband should remind his mom that God has given him the responsibility for his family and to relinquish any of that responsibility to her is to disobey God's word. He should also assure her that he and his wife still love her, plan to spend time with her, but that the relationship has changed and he is in charge now. He needs to repent trust in Christ, and say his mom that he is sorry for his past rudeness or blunt disrespect towards her. And mean it enough to change that. That's just humble. That is God’s design for the family, two way respect in His wonderful Son who has acted humbly.. and that is the way it will be when Jesus is Lord in the home. Then the couple must stand firm in their biblical resolve. Biblical convictions stemming from that right vertical relationship are the basis of how it just works good, long and right.
What can we do about reacting to a woman who acts in the way a meddling mother-in-law does? We can make a choice not to allow her to take away our peace of mind. We may not be able to change the way others behave, but how we respond to their behavior is our choice. We can allow the actions of other people to get to us, or we can choose to give it over to God and allow Him to use this to strengthen us spiritually. It is our own response to this type of situation that fuels our frustration. Only we can stop wearing ourselves out emotionally by allowing an interfering mother-in-law's actions to be the arbiter of our own peace. Her behavior is not our responsibility; our response is.
Parents and in-laws should be treated with respect and love, but we must not allow our emotions to entangle us. The best way to disengage an enemy is to make him an ally. This is done through God’s grace. Christians can always give the grace of forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). It may not stop a mother-in-law from interfering, but it will be a source of strength and peace to stand in (Ephesians 6:11-17). The only place to find true peace of heart is in a personal relationship with God through Christ. Only then can we respond by resting in His peace.
Obviously, the dynamics in such a situation can be worse than frustrating. Rude even. A mother-in-law may do these things because no one else in the family has given her boundaries..respectfully. Therefore, she becomes an overbearing "bully-type." A MIL, really? Sure. Perhaps she does not even realize how intrusive and controlling she has become. To her it may just be actively "loving." If that is the case, perhaps a heart-to-heart talk will clear the air. If she does understand what she is doing and does it on purpose even after she has been asked to stop it, then there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to alter that. She needs to repent and or.. get saved.
Regardless of which side of the family the interference comes from, it is can be like an assault upon the sanctity of the marriage and it violates the "leave and cleave" of God's order for marriage as found in the Bible (Genesis 2:23-24). A man and woman leave their birth families and begin a new family, and they are to love and protect each other. That is normal. A husband who allows his mother or his mother-in-law to interfere with his marriage gobs is not living up to the commandment given to husbands in Ephesians 5:25-33. (My mom Betty has never done that. I feel grateful, thanks mom! My helpful parents have been super for my wife Liney and I. Thank you parents!) Boundaries need to be set with God's wisdom and then held regardless of the resistance encountered. The reality is that people often treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If we permit them to trample on the sanctity of our family, then that is what they will do. No one, not even our extended family, has the right to invade the privacy of our home and we don't with their home. It is the responsibility of the husband to guard that privacy properly. He should take the spiritual lead in gently—but kindly.. firmly—explaining to his mother-in-law what she is doing that is over the line and assuring her that such behavior cannot be tolerated. A wise DIL need not be too isolated from help as well. The husband should remind his mom that God has given him the responsibility for his family and to relinquish any of that responsibility to her is to disobey God's word. He should also assure her that he and his wife still love her, plan to spend time with her, but that the relationship has changed and he is in charge now. He needs to repent trust in Christ, and say his mom that he is sorry for his past rudeness or blunt disrespect towards her. And mean it enough to change that. That's just humble. That is God’s design for the family, two way respect in His wonderful Son who has acted humbly.. and that is the way it will be when Jesus is Lord in the home. Then the couple must stand firm in their biblical resolve. Biblical convictions stemming from that right vertical relationship are the basis of how it just works good, long and right.
What can we do about reacting to a woman who acts in the way a meddling mother-in-law does? We can make a choice not to allow her to take away our peace of mind. We may not be able to change the way others behave, but how we respond to their behavior is our choice. We can allow the actions of other people to get to us, or we can choose to give it over to God and allow Him to use this to strengthen us spiritually. It is our own response to this type of situation that fuels our frustration. Only we can stop wearing ourselves out emotionally by allowing an interfering mother-in-law's actions to be the arbiter of our own peace. Her behavior is not our responsibility; our response is.
Parents and in-laws should be treated with respect and love, but we must not allow our emotions to entangle us. The best way to disengage an enemy is to make him an ally. This is done through God’s grace. Christians can always give the grace of forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). It may not stop a mother-in-law from interfering, but it will be a source of strength and peace to stand in (Ephesians 6:11-17). The only place to find true peace of heart is in a personal relationship with God through Christ. Only then can we respond by resting in His peace.
Yes, the first step for both DIL or MIL or even SIL..is to turn and trust Jesus -- for all to walk with the Lord. Come as you are to Him. Now is good.
Recommended Prayerful Reading Resource: The Whole Bible (Yep, the Word is Top Priority), The Gift of Forgiveness by Charles Stanley
