Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Ever once loved ..and then really felt it when you so quickly lost?

what was it?..who was it?..how was it?
you once had a dream... such a noble noble goal. 
didn't always have one, wasn't there before, but now you did. 
amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me..and now i can see! i see and have a dream..more than one. 
it seemed so lovely.. like a beautiful gift.  
...you felt so motivated inside, and knew exactly what footwork was called for just to prepare.
Been there. Normally if I personally applied myself, worked hard, behaved myself etc... I always got done so much of what I was motivated to get done.
so worth the wait, and when the time was right...wouldn't hesitate. no idol would it be, no must be protected instead of worshipped. you could see it in front of you..o yes, so clear, so wunderschoen, so awesome, so helpful and pure...and it was worth it! worth the wait. 
and so many lives would be involved, countless would be helped, would be fed, would be built up, would be inspired.. nurtured and redeemed. 
could those souls be profoundly touched and change? o yes. it was really going to happen. you knew it..just knew it would play out with grace.......you just knew it deep down in your knower.. sure did - you knew it. how exciting this was gunna be!
yo, the three buoys were so lining up too..i mean to enter the "harbor of God's perfect will".. 1) the inner witness of peace from the Holy Spirit, 2) the circumstances of life ..including the other person's want to, and 3) most importantly..the Word of God was fine with it - wasn't sin. green light! no red, no yellow light. hit the gas peddle!
Someone above really must care.. He's there n blessing ..and you could sing...
blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! o what a foretaste of glory divine!!! perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight; angels descending bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love!*  
..well, not at first was that dream so clear. 
perhaps initially it seemed a 'lil foggy ..not so sunny like a day in july was it..what you could see. yeah, maybe kinda hazy, but you bathed it in prayer over and over and over again.
...was still a bit of a blur for a season ..that no one else could even see or imagine. 
but during that period, as the big clock on the wall ticked away so loud, with days and months passing.. there it was. right before you. now you could see it with crystal clarity. 
within reach. possible.  
you'd work harder and smarter and better and faster just for that dream. 
it'd become such a blessing to countless lives around you and over seas, cuz you and the team would hit your knees.  
sure, it fit - it seemed so good.. it was. 
.....to you. it took on such value then. not much else had more value, had more worth, had more attention...expect your relationship with Christ. 
yes, you had a team and harmony and simplicity. you had unity and joy and a vision that by faith would gain provision. 
........but then with travel, with mounting pressures, with love letters penned from a far, with more struggle at work, with lack of bucks, with dreaded change, with broken promises...
well, in moments it turned to ashes in your salty palms ..those hands stained in tears..turned to dust sorta.. that fell right through your fingers onto that cold lonesome earth. 
you thought it's...kinda hard to see through eyes filled with these tears. 
this couldn't happen! no!..where are you God? what a deafening silence at the very worst time for that..except from dim-sighted friends who had too many wacko-words ..in Jesus' Name.. that actually pointed you in a wrong direction. 
why should strange erroneous charismania have to come into play at this time?
how could all this happen? 
heard about the birth of a vision, the death of a vision, the resurrection of a vision! abe had that with issac huh, but Lord, let's get on with it.
i love you most, Lord and now I mix..mixin'..mixing. why can't you and I just work together here...to make this whole mess.. this long-distant test...get fixed.
i had such a wonderful plan for your life...Lord (it should be the other way around. LOL). 
..no greater pain, no greater disillusionment, no greater trial, didn't think i could love any human more...can't remember havin' a smile for awhile. 
you too? so you rolled up your selves, and you tried everything to rescue, to resuscitate, to reach out n help that dying dream. why not, no one else would try.  
how embarrassing that you were too impotent to repair it, too weak to save it, too brokenhearted to heal it. there was basically nothing you could do to fix that pile of ugly circumstances...
and God just seemed to watch it lay there on the ground. 
..wouldn't even arrive there late, like He did with Martha. By now mr. laz bro, he stinketh!  
okay, i don't get it. don't words have meaning, Lord? accepted, i will accept. it's gunna be a Romans 8:28 thang, and of course 29 as well.....one day for me i guess.
the bible promises God's kids this, "and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.." (nkjv). that doesn't mean that what's bad will magically be made good but when my pastor friend's son died on a SoCal freeway it was real bad and it will always be a bad part of his family's history, but God is so big that He can bring good out of that really bad situation. i think that's how it was on a lesser degree with my situation. never could talk about it before, but will a bit today. question for ya...
ever once loved ..and then really felt it when you lost? hey, none of us are flawless but you know this happened through no fault of your own. i feel ya.  
been there. yes I have. many have been.  
ever been totally duped ..by sweet and repeated words that sounded so sincere..... but in time you discovered they never were? they were merely a fleeting idea or something. 
to me some things discussed have more importance than other things..and they call for decisive prolonged action as follow through. love is a verb..or multiple verbs.  
fake commitment can seem so real. you can find out later than all the rest of your friends too..verbiage can have it's meaning be changed in time by the one giving it out, but don't let it be that way with you. 
now i see in see in a mirror dimly, but i know this: love suffers long, doesn't is kind, believes the best of someone. love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil...it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. love never fails.*** 
what appeared so imperative to me turned out to be very whimsical and meaningless kinda like autumn leaves falling from an elm. 
God, how could i let myself be so sucked in? a dream ought not to become some lame mirage. 
if afterwards they say... hey, "i'd do it all over again just to have what I had gained," just know that doesn't mean that they'd intentionally re-hurt anyone in he vicinity to obtain.  
i can't think of a worse feeling can you? I've known some who don't recover, but I know that you can...with Christ you can get past it..past what was real but turned all presumptious
love says what it means and keeps the promises that it makes. God is love and He's kept and will keep every promise He's made in the bible. His track record is flawless. 
a flippant-go-with whatever flow..i mean that cavalier, whimsical change with the wind kinda flakiness ..man, it can hurt people. 
can take quite a while to heal. you'll never really be the same...but you can be made better. you can love again. 
if the dream doesn't come to pass, if the so called words don't come to pass, they never were from the ultimate dream-Maker. 
what's to learn?
be slow to speak, and quick to hear...but verify...test what you hear. 
when you run into what you don't understand, then fall back on what you do understand...God loves you and he has a real plan ahead. 
be hopeful, not hopeless. we have a living hope in Jesus Christ!
He's walked in your shoes so to speak...and then some. 
remember.. Jesus weeps with us when we weep. He has, and He still does...and we can do the same when we come across broken and forsaken people. we live in a world that is filled up with broken promises, misunderstandings, irreconcilable differences, disloyalty and heart-ache, but we can all be ministers of reconciliation pointing them to the One who can heal, restore, revive, and fully mend. 
skip heitzig once told me that.. every human on earth is basically incompatible with every other human on this earth and just give it some time and you will find this out. And then what will you do..forgive, love and go forwards?
perhaps you weren't merely dating someone that bailed on you, or weren't just "hanging out" together, or weren't mere team-members in some work-place focused on a project to complete... maybe you were really married to the person, and that's the very dream that unraveled before your eyes..or is about to unravel.
in every marriage that's more than a week old, there will be grounds for divorce. the trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for forgiveness, ongoing clear communication, agape love that covers, protects and provides for, and grounds for ongoing marriage.**
Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her..
any relationship left untended will deteriorate and become less satisfying, so tend and nurture it in the Lord. Any relationship that is long-distance will take more of that - invest in it wisely. time passes quickly. find a way - God can make a way.

"keep your eyes wide open before the wedding and then your eyes half shut after the wedding." ~ ben franklin
it ain't about you, or about me, or about what I want, or what you want. settle not for "second best", believer, even if he or she has gobs of income (he/she might). God works in us both to will and to do of His good will. yes, it's about the Lord and His purposes - about what He wants. that's what is best. let's not be fools and think that God will make a former team-member who used to "want to" but then found another team to be on, or found someone else to date do something against their own will. let go and free em cuz God will have someone better for you. God respects your choices, theirs, and He won't make those still sucking air on this planet do anything against their own will.  
splat! spin, spin, spin.... listen, what happens on the Potter's wheel can seem way too rough at times, but the top Potter (God), loves you dearly with an everlasting love. He knows exactly what He is doing, He knows the timing, and He has allowed these circumstances to develop you, to mold you, to form you to become more like His Son. and the bible says, "rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." (rom. 12:15).
"then I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. and the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter; so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: 'o house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?' says the Lord. 'look, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand, o house of israel!" jer. 18:3-6
it's okay to get real honest with God when you strongly disagree with His decision for a time...or disagree with what He has allowed in your life. hey, He can handle it.. and He wants to hear from you about how you feel....He says to us, "'Come now, let's settle this,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.'" (isa. 1:18).
we can ask him all the questions we want to, He doesn't mind, but that doesn't mean He will answer us every time, or that He even owes us an answer. Having Him is better than having all the answers, for He is God's Answer to all our problems. No matter the issue, He is the ultimate Solution.  
keep all your promises. under commit, over deliver..with excellence. be careful not to defraud any with careless words. some can easily hear what they really want to hear even when you use proper terms, tone and tenor ..and they can get an idea from that.  
The Righteous Person Swears to His Own Hurt, and Does Not Change (kjv)..And Keeps Their Promises Even When It Hurts (ps. 15:4 nlt).
it'll pass.. please don't waste your sorrows though. there is One who really loves you, who always means what He says, who always keeps His promises and who completely understands you...and the rest of it. forgive even if you can't forget. let it go, carry no grudge
hurt people tend to repeatedly hurt people, but healed people can be used to heal people. 
you can trust God when others don't seem to even care beyond their own person much. Remember, nothing can come into the life of a believer that isn't first sifted through the caring, loving fingers of God. He has your best interests in mind.     
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." ~ C.S. Lewis

"if God doesn't build the house, 
the builders only build shacks.
if God doesn't guard the city,
the night watchman might as well
nap. it's useless to rise early and go
to bed late, and work your
worried fingers to the bone.
don't you know He enjoys
giving rest to those He loves?" psalm 127

always remember that...Jesus reigns without rival. He alone is our rest.
He alone is sovereign, when you are not.
His divine providence is so there even when it seems like it's gone on a long vacation.
He's very much alive. with you. risen. our caring Savior and Redeemer.
He's our Deliverer, the master Builder, our true Comforter.
and... we have the privilege to run the Race that He sets out before us.
i'm running in it to win. join me. 
our gentle caring God isn't finished with us yet. 
we believers should really wear a sign around our necks that reads: Under Construction. 
yeah, He ain't done yet.
and you don't have to always "get it", but we are called to obey. We have Him who is Greater.. when all else is striped away. He has real plans for you, for us, even when dreams are pryed out of our strongest grasp. He can resurrect what He wants alive - He'll do as He pleases and we can still praise Him.
the Lord can use bad things to put a deep resolve deep inside of you.. to be sold out to Him. Keep on shinning His light so bright. He will bless.. He is a Rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
perhaps it was merely repeated wishes voiced, and my wishes mixed in? never thought i would, but looking back from here, i'm actually happy that God allowed what He allowed in my life ..and i feel grateful though i certainly haven't always felt good about it or how it happened ..yeah, even if i still am learning and feel it from time to time, He is bringing good out of it still. The Lord has tenderly consoled those who mourned in Zion - He sure did for us, "To give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified" (isa. 61:3). now here's the kicker..saved the best for last here, and don't even deserve her..yeah, God really blessed me with the greatest wife - Liney von Schleicher (so far-beyond-awesome-beautiful! accepted me without me havin' bucket-loads of cash. I somehow married above my station..) was never defrauded, never disapointed, and she keeps her word by the power from God's Word. Satisfied. You know I could brag all day long (and do sometimes) even though she and I opt to keep so much of it private. More later. Pray and wait on the Lord. facebook.com/shareJesus
*words for me, penned from fanny j. crosby.
**the kernel of this idea came from robert anderson.
***see 1 corinthians 13.
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